Reflection or Mirroring?

One of the people we find most difficult to see clearly is ourselves.

Our eyes allow us to see many things around us. To see ourselves, however, we need a reflection. This is where the mirror metaphor often used in coaching comes from. The coach is described as a mirror that reflects the client’s words and behaviour back to them.

Although this metaphor is useful for explaining coaching briefly, I believe it is incomplete.

A mirror only shows what is in front of it, from a particular angle and at a particular moment. The image is limited by the mirror’s size, position and surface. If the mirror is tilted, the image changes. If its surface is damaged or dirty, the reflection is also affected.

A coach’s observations are not perfect or completely neutral reflections either.

Every coach listens through their own experiences, knowledge, values and assumptions. It may not be possible to remove these influences entirely. What matters is that the coach is aware of them and does not present their own view as an absolute truth.

When a coach notices something, they can share it as an observation to be explored rather than as a definite conclusion.

“I noticed something here. How does this observation resonate with you?”

A question like this prevents the observation from becoming a judgement. What the coach has noticed becomes a possibility that can be explored together. The client may find it meaningful, interpret it differently or say that it does not resonate with them. The client decides what the observation means.

Coaching is not simply about repeating what the client has said. A coach may notice particular words, changes in emotion and recurring patterns of thought or behaviour. Through questions, silence, observations and metaphors, the coach can help the client explore different perspectives.

However, this does not mean that the coach can see the whole truth that the client cannot see.

I have previously used the metaphor of a flying eye to describe the coach. A flying eye may see a wider area. Yet its view still depends on its height, the lens it uses and the direction in which it looks. Seeing more widely does not mean seeing everything.

No single perspective can capture the whole of an experience.

For this reason, perhaps neither a mirror nor a flying eye is the most suitable metaphor for coaching.

Coaching is a shared space for exploration in which people can look at themselves and their situation through different windows. The coach brings attention, curiosity, questions and observations to this space. The client explores their own experience and decides what they see means to them.

A mirror only reflects an image.

Coaching supports people in looking beyond the reflection, questioning what they see and developing their own understanding.