Reflection or Reflecting?

One of the people we find most difficult to see is ourselves.

Our eyes allow us to see many things around us. But to see ourselves, we need a reflection. This is where the mirror metaphor, often used in coaching, comes from. A coach is said to be a mirror that reflects the client’s words and behaviours back to them.

Although this metaphor is useful for explaining coaching briefly, I believe it is incomplete.

A mirror only shows what is in front of it, from a particular angle and at a particular moment. The image is limited by the mirror’s size, position and surface. If the mirror is tilted, the image changes. If its surface is uneven or dirty, the reflection is also affected.

A coach’s observations are not perfect or completely neutral reflections either.

Every coach listens through their own experiences, knowledge, values and assumptions. It may not be possible to remove these influences completely. What matters is that the coach is aware of them and does not present their own view as the absolute truth.

When a coach notices something, they can share it not as a definite conclusion but as an observation that can be explored.

“I noticed something here. How does this observation connect with your experience?”

A question like this prevents the reflection from becoming a judgement. What the coach sees becomes a possibility that the coach and client can explore together. The client may find the observation meaningful, interpret it differently or say that it does not connect with their experience. The client decides what the observation means.

Coaching is not simply about repeating what the client says. A coach may notice the words being used, changes in emotions and repeated patterns of thought or behaviour. Through questions, silence, observations and metaphors, the coach can help the client explore different perspectives.

However, this does not mean that the coach can see the whole truth that the client cannot see.

I have previously used the metaphor of a flying eye to describe a coach. A flying eye may see a wider area. However, what it sees still depends on its height, the lens it uses and the direction in which it looks. Seeing more widely does not mean seeing everything.

No single perspective can cover the whole of an experience.

For this reason, perhaps neither a mirror nor a flying eye is the most suitable metaphor for coaching.

Coaching is a shared space for inquiry where people can look at themselves and their situation through different windows. The coach brings attention, curiosity, questions and observations into this space. The client explores their own experience and decides what their discoveries mean to them.

A mirror only reflects an image.

Coaching supports people in looking beyond the reflection, questioning what they see and creating their own meaning.

Source

International Coaching Federation PCC Markers